Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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