This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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