Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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