you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
