Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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