I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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