just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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