May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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