girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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