no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
