They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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