Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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