Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
