either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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