Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
