I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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