I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
