Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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