My room smells like vodka and shame
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize