I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
