On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
