We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
