is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
