Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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