Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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