I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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