I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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