So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
