Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
