Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
