i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
