i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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