They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
