I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
