dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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