Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
