I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
