remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
