I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
