Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
