If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
