I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
