Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
