I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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