I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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