Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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