Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize