Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
