Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
