In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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