mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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