Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
