Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
