Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
