great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
