I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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