Your tits are I can't wait for
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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