It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
