How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
