my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
