My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize