just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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