is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
