nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
