I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
