I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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