my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
