Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
