No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
