I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
