i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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