He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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