i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
