A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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