We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
