my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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