My liver just broke up with me...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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