Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want nice things and good sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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