apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
