oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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