Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize