the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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