John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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