Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
