So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and you said cock pushups were impossible
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I will be naked everywhere
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
