He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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