Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
