I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
