I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
