I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
